Be what u want to be

Leap to the New Year

2011-12-31T08:23:00.000-08:00

2 hours more and it would be new year. Mostly at the end of every year, one gets a feeling that the year just swooshed by. But somehow for this year I am getting mixed feelings regarding that. The newspapers are talking about the glories of India this year ( quite a rare phenomenon this year) and first one on the list is course the World Cup victory. But somehow it feels as if it happened long long time back. May be overdose of cricket is the reason for it. On the other hand, while looking at the recent pics of one of my cousin's baby, I was quite surprised to see that the baby is almost a year old now.
Today, being a relaxed Saturday, while surfing through the TV channels, I was annoyed to find all "End of the World" movies playing in the afternoon. And it didn't quite strike me, till I stopped by one of the channels and checked out the movie name. It was "2012". Oh...That's the reason. TV channels seem to have taken the responsibility to prepare us for the Apocalypse. May be we will soon start having drills on the lines of Fire drills, but hopefully people will take it more seriously than Fire drills.
Anyways, I think I have completed my quota of babbling on this blog this year. So it's 11 posts for 2011. Hope I do better than what the series suggests :)

Alice in Wonderland

2011-09-17T01:32:00.000-07:00

Before you read further let me warn you that people staying in the close vicinity of trees and flowers and blah blah blah should probably skip this blog. I would not want you all to waste your precious 5-10 min and end up shrugging your shoulders and giving a “Big Deal” cry at the end of it. But the nature lovers feeling like misfits in the concrete jungle may choose to go on. Anyways, I guess enough of the disclaimer.

On the busiest roads, with sparse greenery and suffocating pollution I got the first pleasant surprise of the day. Fluttering in a random motion was a beautiful yellow butterfly looking truly lost (or so I thought). There was not a shrub to hide or flower to rest on, so it decided to ride a nearby autorickshaw briefly. Of course it did not opt for the usual riding seats. And just like that it was lost in the commotion. My bus chugged ahead, but my thoughts still dwelled on the strange visitor. The polluted stretch was followed by not so polluted stretch. And there amongst the potted plants of a roadside building, another specimen of this lovely species greeted me. But this one was brownish in colour, designs if any were not that identifiable. I couldn’t believe my luck. Two butterflies in a day? Could there be more? I was on high alert now. I looked at every stretch of grass or shrubs that had grown. Somebody twittered recently about the incessant rains in Mumbai, “If nobody lived here, it would probably be a thick jungle”. So true. Isolated plants seemed to have sprouted at quite a few places. Shrubs left to survive along the divider on the highway were swaying in the slight breeze. And there I spotted a black one with yellow dots on it hopping towards the shelter.

I probably would have ended up seeing more but I was close to my destination. With the almost concluded rains, I am sure to catch some more visitors to this wonderland : "You are more than welcome, dear."

as you're there for me too...

2011-08-24T01:40:00.000-07:00

It was already late by the time I reached office. The mailbox showed many unread mails from the client which indicated loads of upcoming work. It was going to be a looooooooooong day just like the day before and day before that. On any normal day, I would have been flustered and irritated and would probably have given a “Why, God Why” cry sometimes in my head and sometimes aloud. But today was different. I was still smiling. And so it continued throughout the day. It was as if I had a Felix Felicis to drink. Twinkling eyes, shared laughter and uncountable memories stayed with me throughout the day . I had just met my closest and oldest friend after a gap of four years.

She has been my friends for ten years now. Yes, it may not seem so old to other people. People have friends from the time they were in school. Unfortunately having been in multiple schools I don’t have such friends. In this gap of four years, we didn’t talk every now and then. Even the mails were once in a while. Technology has its limitations. You can’t say everything you want to unless the person is right in front of you. She missed my marriage and I missed hers.

Even now it seemed very unlikely that we would meet. But finally, overcoming all odds, we were there, sitting opposite each other in a restaurant, the way we had done so many no. of times during the college days. We both had so much of catching up to do. During the phone calls generally the milestones get shared but not the journey. Its only after talking to her I realised that I had missed this total frankness for quite some time now. The interruptions by the waiter who had mistakenly thought that we had come for a quick breakfast was a constant reminder that we had limited time. Anyways I don’t think any amount of time would have been sufficient enough. But even this small dose of Luck lasted me the day. Hope it lasted for you too, my friend.

Mightier than Sword?

2011-06-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

Last used it for – making a ‘To do’ list. Even that was almost two weeks back. I look through the fat notebook lying on my desk. Only ten pages filled. Its use has reached an abysmal level for me. I look through my purse and surprisingly find 4 of them. And all of them working!!!

Feeling pleased, I open the notebook. The first page is blank. And like a school child, I enter my most prized possession on right hand corner--- My name. It is said that whenever testing out a new pen, most people will write their name.

It ‘s almost end of the day and there is no need to make a To do list. So what can I use it for? Well…I could write a blog post using it. My head starts to work feverishly : I will write my latest post on piece of paper in my ‘beautiful’ handwriting, scan it and post it. What a novel idea !!! I try searching for a blank piece of paper. After a lot of searching, I finally find one with one side printed. Doable, I say to myself.

Then why isn’t it here? Why this typed post in the same old font and format and the weird simple present tense (which I realized just now).

Well…I lied about my handwriting. As I started writing slowly and even carefully, after almost a paragraph, I looked back and realized that my ‘n’ s were indistinguishable from ‘u’s and ‘r’ was readable only due to the context. The sentences were slanting towards top right. And font size had gone from 12 to 8.

So I give up. However great my love for the pen may be, my thoughts cannot be ‘penned’.

As for the simple present tense, don't really know why...it is just how it played in my head as I tried to capture the flow of events.

Big Canvas

2011-05-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

I looked out of the window to see darkness all around. It wasn't even 5p.m yet. As I moved out of the building I tried to see how far the darkness spread. And the view was just out of this world. Clouds hung so low that I felt if I could just pull a string attached to them, they may just touch the ground. My words can't do justice to the hues of grey, blue and black and white interspersed in a manner only an artiste can accomplish. For a second, I felt that after looking at the picturesque sky, when I look ahead to what is around me, I would not see the concrete buildings or cemented roads. But they were still there. The disconnect was imminent and unnerving.
I kept looking up so that the imprint would stay with me forever. And I guess it has.

Hopping Lamp

2011-05-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

I hate it when my mother comments, " You are watching cartoon?" And not that I don't like Cartoons, but because it is so much more than that,I end up defending it, "It's Animation". If you were to see my list of all time favorites and most re-watched movies, animation films would probably top my list.
So no wonder when I was trying to choose a movie on Netflix yesterday, Toy Story-3 was the obvious choice. And then I saw something else that caught my attention : The Pixar Story, Documentary on Pixar Corporation. Any animation movie buff, would be aware of them. I think it was Bug's Life that first made me Google them. This one and a half hour documentary takes you through the rise of this extra ordinarily creative company and the people behind it. I had known that Steve Jobs had acquired this company early on, but I was oblivious to the real team behind it.
Most inspiring was John Lasseter, the creative head of Pixar. From traditional 2D animation at Disney, to experimentation at George Lucas Studios and finally making of Toy Story, first feature film made entirely with CGI. What impressed me the most, was their focus on technology only as a tool for telling story in as real form as possible, instead of creating stories to show off technology. The characters and scenes that seem so simple, like the colorful under-water world in Finding Nemo or the nearly microscopic life of Ants and Bugs are actually the biggest challenges. Getting the right look for Human hair , when it is wet vs. when it is blowing in the wind, it is these details that make the movie.
Thinking of inanimate objects having feelings had always fascinated me and these people were bringing this imagination to life. After 10 min of Wall-E you don't think of it as just a machine. The Hopping Luxo Lamp, their Logo completely reflects this DNA.
To see the sketch of Mike from Monsters' Inc on paper to him singing on screen, it is no less than magic.
My blogs generally don't have any pictures. But for this I nearly thought that I could sketch my favorite characters and post it on the blog. Just kidding, magic can't happen, at least in this area :)
Just a snippet here :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUuwOl8CZw4&feature=related

Cogito ergo sum

2011-04-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

I think therefore I am...Well said, but I was wondering whether we or may be some of us overuse it. I know Descartes did not mean it in the context that I am referring it to. But yes, sometimes I believe life would be less complicated if we reduce, if not completely eliminate thinking about everything under the Sun. Trying to answer every question, analyzing every incident however trivial and insignificant, introspecting our faults. Does anyone else also feel the same. Exhausted after unnecessary solitary brain activity. The Unstoppable frenzy of mindless or rather mindful activities. It could be related to your work or your life in general and sometimes even about the universe surrounding you.
And there are two aspects that make it worse...One, that you are sometimes not even aware of it and two (which follows the first point), it goes on parallely with other things that you are doing. And thus it simply tires you coz you have not even tried to stop it as you were not aware of it. And naturally the other task that you were doing gets affected too.
The so called extension of the quote, Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum could be even worse (again the quote is not in same reference completely). Doubt accelerates thinking. It does the wide range of permutations of 'ifs and buts' to sometimes make you reach the conclusion and sometimes drive you away from it.
There is no push button to stop it, no regulator to tone it down. It takes practice to hold a leash over it. As for me... I have not even begun.

Feeling Blue

2011-03-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

I saw it leaping towards me with child like enthusiasm. My anticipation of meeting it was growing as well. In two seconds it would reach me. But in a flash it was lost. Just like that. But even before I could regret over the missed rendezvous, another one came and hugged me. I gave a delightful laughter. It settled down before wishing a slow good bye. I stood still, waiting to have another such experience. And there were many that I did have. Sometimes I tried to follow them closely, to see the one that was coming, trying to estimate how far they will reach, by their sound or by their height. Sometimes I was right, and sometimes they tricked me.
I don't know how long I stood there. Then even though I could continue like that for hours, I came back and sat down on the soft sand, glistening in the bright Sun. It was blue, as blue as it could be, as far as I could see. I closed my eyes, and sound of the waves felt closer. Saltiness in the air was unmistakable. The vastness of it, made me feel like an insignificant dot. And I stayed like that for a long time, breathing the beautiful Sea around me.
When I had seen it from a height, it had looked so serene and placid. Almost like a huge lake. But from at this close quarter, it still seemed serene, and yet you could feel the strength and potential within it. Who knows what could be churning miles away from the coast, and deep in its belly. As I see the pictures of Tsunami ravaged cities from Japan, the videos of huge waves rushing towards buildings and swallowing them up, I know it's the same sea.

To Err is Human

2011-03-05T03:11:00.000-08:00

I sometime wonder whether we really believe it...If that was the case, every error would be called a goof up. Rather we have hundreds of synonyms for it,that even clarify magnitude of the same-- error, mistake, defect, blunder.....and no one laughs them off unlike a goof up. Computer age has brought another word to describe the same (as if there were less already)- bug. And in my coding days, we used to say, "However hard you test the solution, at least one bug will still remain". I guess that is true in life as well. We will always keep on making mistakes. What is worse that the Error Class has so many objects in it that, even if we were to never repeat it, it will still last us a life time. Sometimes it is the caution that we use to prevent repetition of a previous mistake that leads us to another. Don't you sometimes wish we had the eraser to rub off the bad lines

We have all made mistakes, sometimes as small as errors, some time as big as blunders. Sometimes, ages later, blunders seem like goof up and sometimes even errors seem like blunders depending on how they affect our life or that of others.

With the cricket fever on, I could not help wondering what goes on in the mind of a batsman when he gets out or when a bowler is hit for a six.

So every time I make a mistake ( am already thinking that writing this post was a mistake) , I am going to think of Sachin getting out on duck and not care too much about anything else.

Rambings

2011-02-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

This is the shortest gap between two blogs for me....Actually for a long time internet was not working at my home...And I was holding it responsible for my infrequent blog updates. Even though at some level I knew that even if it was up and running there would not be much change in my blogging frequency.

But I realized, that less frequently u blogged, more was the urge to blog about something spectacular instead of just some random thought that pops in ur head....I have shot down many such thoughts with the stern ...."Na..not worth blogging about"....

It reminded me of a conversation with my friend. She argued...that her boyfriend had never bought her a gift. And the fault was not his. Every time they visited a store when he wanted to gift her, she just could not pick up a thing; once given a choice, she wanted to pick something that was spectacular and exquisite, something that she could never buy for herself and even tad expensive. Somehow, nothing could qualify all the three filters. Quite true, isn't it?

And I realized that less frequent blogs were creating a similar situation for me. Longer the gap, more exquisite and spectacular I wanted the post to be. (Though, looking at my previous posts, you may wonder whether this was my definition of "Spectacular") May be not exquisite, but definitely something unique.

But hey...I had never started out to write something spectacular...It was supposed to be for all the nonsensical, seemingly logical or illogical things that interest or amuse me. I am tired of my ramblings and so is Blogger.com and may be means to say , "Tathastu"

Like a Green wave in the Sky

2011-02-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

I have often be chided by my significant other for walking inattentively on the road leading to frequent ankle twists and toe bruises (it is possible too). And my defense generally is, "I am not inattentive; rather there are better things on the road that catch my attention instead of say a speed breaker in front of me." Doesn't a a colorful looking shop or a hawker selling wooden dinosaur deserve my curiosity?
But yesterday, I was actually proud of my "idhar-udhar dekho" habit. I was walking towards the station looking at the sky walk that has recently opened to the public. Unlike hundred other sky walks that have been built throughout the city, this one actually had people using it.
And suddenly out of no where a green wave spread across the sky. And like a wave it retreated. And then again it rose....this time it was less dense but again it fell. This time I carefully followed it. 15-20 parrots were the creators of object of my amusement. I have seen parrots number of times before, even in groups but never before had I seen a collective flight like this. Even their color is so distinct. Blame it on too much use of Color coding in Excel,looking at them, I remembered the parrot green color appearing in a square box in the color grid in excel. While shouldn't it be the other way around.
The parrots had somehow found shelter in a palm tree close to the railway station. Strange. Surely it must be a stop over. But yes it acted as a perfect launch pad. After two or three iterations, they seemed to have got bored. Two of the parrots had now glided to the window grill in a building close by. I kept looking at them for a while, waiting to see the wave effect again. But now they seemed stationary.

I was getting late...and decided to move on...And as I finally focused ahead on the actual road , I saw people like me going to their daily destinations, absorbed in their own thoughts with their heads down or even held straight but none of them staring at the sky: You missed it folks.

Beginning of the end

2010-12-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

You know you are at the year end when you see "Best of" and 'Worst of" lists everywhere, right from television to newspapers...Fortunately or unfortunately, the business world still respects the financial year and schools/colleges have their academic years to stick to.
Infected by the "year ending" buzz, I too decided to post my last blog for this year...The last blog for which 2010 will appear against it...I know it's still not 31st, but knowing my average frequency of posting, I am sure this will be it for this year. Anything special to write about? Not really...When has it ever been... :)
For a change it's winters in Mumbai and I am simply loving it...I read about people suffering from Winter Blues. It supposed to be a scientifically recognized phenomenon that people suffer from as the days get shorter. Seriously, is this true, I wonder...
Besides the "Best of" and "Worst Of" Lists, there is one more type of list in the air...sacred resolution list...It is so scared that even the maker of this list forbids himself/herself from touching it. So best of Luck for creating yours.
Hope I keep blogging next year too (Not a resolution thankfully) ...See you next year

Cling Cling and dum dum

2010-09-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

I have never missed having a camera feature in my phone...But I really did.... that day.
I was leaving from the office at 3.30. My eyes were still getting used to the bright sunshine after the prolonged rains of 3 to 4 months. My mind was still worrying about the work that I had left half way and planning for the next day had already begun. The joy of leaving early from office was definitely lost. I started walking, with my head down, as much due to the work blues as due to attentiveness that you have to have on the Mumbai roads to spot the puddles and open manholes.
And suddenly somewhere beyond the song that was blaring into my ears through the radio earphones, I heard a drum beat. Then another one and then one more. I looked up and for the first time actually acknowledged the reason why I was leaving early. Trying to locate the source of the drums I started looking beyond my line of sight.
I increased my pace, and even my steps automatically synced with the drum beat. I knew where it was coming from. There were buses and cars and of course sea of people blocking my view. And then I caught the glimpse of the Elephant God, towering above all of these own creations of his. My ears started catching the jingle of the bells and manjira. As I crossed the signal, picture became clearer and colorful. The colorful nine yard sarees followed by the turbaned men and little children clad in white kurtas. Men walked with the beats banging the bamboo sticks they had in hand. Children did the traditional "Lezhim". While ladies with manjira joined the chorus of slogans requesting the Lord to stay longer.
Moving at slow pace along with the deity on wheels, it was not long before I caught up with them. The tar road was hidden in the red colored dust and as I bowed my head before the beloved God of this city I became one of them. The radio was lost in the noise that I did not consider noise any more. Walking past the procession, and observing it I was lost in the moment. I wished I had walked slower, coz the procession had ended and the beats were lost. Bollywood number from the radio had overcome the drums again.
But with a slight smile on my face, office and sun was just a memory.

Creepy crawlies

2010-07-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

Long long time since I posted. And yes, truly this time I was busy and it wasn't the usual boredom that causes the big gap between my posts.
I literally had so many topics buzzing in my head that I wanted to write about. Some frivolous and some serious. And yet again, I prefer frivolous over serious.
I am sure you must have already guessed wht I am writing about. I thought it was more of a colloqial word and wouldn't find place in dictionary. No, it does. As a noun it is defined as 'a spider, worm, or other small, flightless creature, esp. when considered unpleasant or frightening'. The creature I was gonna write about does not exactly fit this definition.It is not that small, specially when it grows up or when you are watching it from close quarters (avoid this). But yes, they are definitely unpleasant and hence frightening, at least to me. Nope, I am not talking about snakes. They are frightening hence unpleasant. The other way round relationship is more true for ------ Lizards. Not everyone may have had an encounter with snake, but lizards... I am sure everyone has waged a war with them at least once.

But even though I claim to hate them, I can't help but be fascinated by them. You know how with any animal or insect, there is a default gender that you associate. For e.g: Dog is always 'He', Cat is always 'She', Sparrow is always 'She' and Crow is always 'He'. Quite subjective, but thats how I speak of them. For me lizard was always a 'She'. Reason was that I had learnt a poem on 'Her' as a child. I remember just the first few lines -

Lalita lizard sitting on the wall,
how is it that you never ever fall,
Upside down you hang on the ceiling ,
I often wonder what you must be feeling.

An amusing poem and truly my thoughts too. But everytime I came face to face to one such Lalita or any of her cousins, amusement was the last thing on my mind. Lizard hunting was out of my purview. Whenever others in my house were engaged in any such battle, I would be standing on the top of a bed or chair in the other room, imagining every moving ray of light to be the lizard being hunted. Of course this imagination was never in mute mode and my shrieks though disturbing added the perfect background score to the battle. But that was way back in the past. As everybody staying alone has to fight their darkest fears and inner demons, I had to as well.
My first battle with lizard (in which I returned victorious) could might as well as be the topic for another post. (Don't worry I won't write that, I know you are already bored with this one).Though the fear has reduced fascination has not. I thought I was the only one fascinated by them. But no, there is an entire country that worships it and considers them lucky. Of course they are not ordinary house lizards but colorful ones, native only to that country. It is probably the only place where I saw a lizard print on clothes. I was completely in awe of it, but finally some common sense prevailed and I didn't buy that. But common sense did not sustain for long and now I have a wooden lizard on my refrigerator door :)

And I post again

2010-04-01T01:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a really long time since I posted something. And it's not as if I was too busy or out of topics...sheer boredom. And yet that urge to write has emerged again. The reason being that I have enjoyed reading lots of posts recently. Irony is that it was again boredom that drove me towards it.
I haven't had a chance to catch up a good book in a long time. I think the last book that enjoyed a lot was Motorcycle diaries. After that there have been attempts to find such a book, sometimes fiction...that I did finish but didn't enjoy, some non-fiction that I was enjoying but couldn't finish as they grew a little heavy on me. Whatever the reason but basically I was missing quality reading. And though most people wouldn't associate blogs with serious writing neither do I claim that they are a must for a literature student but somehow I have always enjoyed them.
And so I decided to revisit the blogs of my friends that I generally enjoy reading. Unfortunately I haven't yet added the list of blogs that I follow so that I get automatic updates whenever a new post is added. And I was truly disappointed to see no updates too. And first thing that struck me was ,"Must be very busy." And there in this list of the blogs that my friend followed, featured my blog , very low on the list though. And there on the list, were some really interesting blog titles. And soon I was lost in the maze of blogs of friends of friends. For a second I did wonder whether it was alright to read blogs of complete strangers. I know what I blog are my personal thoughts that I don't mind sharing. But could I be so sure about others. But as I started reading them, these concerns slowly started disappearing. Some due to open acknowldgement or request of bloggers that encouraged friends of friends to read their posts. And some, because I could associate with the other bloggers so well and the things that they had written about. I had never thought there were so many people out there who had similar idiosyncracies as mine or who made confessions about their day to day follies on their blogs and of course those who had to taken up blogging coz they wanted to become a writer some day (like me :)
And the next thing I knew was that I had reached out for creating a new post. As I finish writing what I have in mind, I feel the regret of not having posted for so long. I feel so good pouring out these thoughts even though they may not mean much to anybody. So a small message to all the people who haven't blogged in a long time: Do post, u r missing something that u don't know u r missing.
I still don't know whether it is okay to read blogs of friends of friends. Hope your friends don't mind.

Far or not so far away

2009-12-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

It's been more than six months since I went out of Bangalore....okay that's not entirely true. Well, you can say away from the urban surroundings. Yes, it has been that long. Sometimes it was voluntary or self imposed while sometimes it was circumstantial. Whatever the reason, I have been stuck in the urban village with no respite for quite a long time.

And today suddenly that urge to escape became even stronger. No one present in this city would disagree, that it was a perfect weather to run away to the nearest hill or lake on the outskirts of the city. I wished I could become a backpacker and walk along the river flowing by the side of the muddy road. That feeling stayed throughout the day. And then while returning in the cab, with the window half open, I closed my eyes. It was drizzling now. With music in my ears (literally) I could hear nothing else. Not a sound on the street of Bangalore.
With cool breeze hitting my face, I felt I could be anywhere. I could be in the vast lush green field or on the top of the mountain. I smelt the rain and felt more happy.

Then suddenly, a loud honking sound overpowered the music and shook me up and I opened my eyes. I closed my eyes again, increased the volume of music player, but my efforts were futile. I looked outside. The magic was lost.

The feeling has subsided but is still there waiting and longing to be fulfilled. Stay on, don't disappear or I will remain trapped here. Till the longing is there, there is the will to get it fulfilled. And I know it will.

When'll you realize............

2009-10-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

The sharp turn that the bus took had just woken him up partially and cool wind splashing against his face was coaxing him to open his eyes and look at the beautiful surroundings. Slowly he sensed the changes that had undergone in his immediate environment. His legs that had been relaxed suddenly seemed cramped for space. His arms could no longer move freely. With slight irritation he looked around himself. The empty bus that he had boarded was quite full now.A huge bag was placed next to his legs. He looked around questioningly to find its owner. "It's mine", said the young guy seated next to him. The guy seemed to be from city and didn't really seem to belong to the bus. Just as he was making these observations he realised that the young guy wasn't really alone and that he had probably just interrupted an important conversation that he was having. The youth started again, "You won't understand it,Chhotu. I don't like the work anymore. It has become mundane and does not offer me any more challenges.I have to find something more challenging." He gave a sharp look at the youth seated opposite to him. The conversation between the boys slowly faded into the background and what he could hear was a similar echo in his own ears: voice of his past.

Some thirty years back he had similar vigour and fire. Ever since he remembered he wanted to join the army. Many from his village had sacrificed their lives for the country. They were his heroes and he dreamed that one one day he would be a hero too...
His body failed his dreams. He couldn't clear the physical exams to which he was subjected. He tried every other possible area where he could be a hero: Police, fire brigade, but somehow he could never join them. Finally he joined a security agency and started working as a security guard. Initially the charm of the gun given to him made him feel important. But all these years he never had to use a gun. For some years he was posted at a bank. He dreamed of the days, when some bank robbery would be attempted and he would be the one to foil it. But nothing like this happened. But as he aged, he was shifted to a housing society. Now he didn't even have a gun. The area was quite peaceful. He did the daily chores like switching the building lights, water pump,etc. He maintained a register for any outsider.But this wasn't his idea of being heroic. With all these thoughts running through his head,he didn't realise that the bus had reached the bus stand. The two boys had already got down. He picked up his luggage and slowly walked to the building where he was working. When he was home, he had almost started missing this building and the people living here. But now that he was back he just did not have the same enthusiasm any more. Just as he placed his luggage and was getting ready to sit on his regular seat he saw the old lady living on the third floor. As she saw him, her face lighted. She rushed to him, as fast as she could. She started speaking excitedly,"You are finally back…good. Your replacement was useless. A salesman reached my doorstep in the afternoon. I was so scared. Now I can be relieved." And her face did really reflect the peace of mind that he had rendered. He smiled at her, but more than that, he smiled at himself; a reassuring smile.

***********************************************************

This story got structured as I was visiting a bank recently and saw an elderly security guard with a rifle in his hand. And I wondered whether he was happy doing what he did. I don't agree with everything I have written above. I don't think one should always be satisfied with what one has, one should always challenge one's potential...blah blah blah, and everything else that is written in millions of self help books available in the market today. But rather I want to stress that many a times in the race to achieve, succeed or challenge, we tend to miss the good and simple things that we do everyday. They may not be mighty or heroic, but it is still creditable that you do them. Rather than explaining what I am trying to say here, I think the lines from this Billy Joel song ('Vienna waits for you') capture my thoughts the best:
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You can't always see when you're right

Fall and Rise

2009-09-24T05:16:00.001-07:00

There I was, listening to some most soothing music on my mp3 player when my cab for the office arrived. I bent to climb into it and BAAAAM. My head went numb followed by a sharp (i wouldn't like to exaggerate it by calling it 'excruciating' though) pain. I had just banged my head against the car's ceiling. My cab mates enquired whether I was okay wearing a sheepish grin that seemed to contrast the concern. It is just so natural. I myself have smiled or laughed so many times when someone has fallen (unless of course in case of something serious).
Looking at them I too smiled, wondering if it had looked funny. And somehow throughout the journey I kept pressing my head to check whether it felt okay;whether I was feeling giddy or not. But in that one moment of pain I could almost imagine the numerous other scenes like this of which I have been a part.
Though I don't remember my first steps which of course would have led to the first fall, I do remember the countless other ones.
The funniest one that I remember is the one when I was at my dramatic best though not intentionally. I am sure I have narrated this incident to most of my friends, but I have never written it as such. Well, once upon a time :), we were playing Hide and Seek and while running through the backyards of the houses, I must not have seen the rope used for drying clothes. And BAAAM, all of sudden I was on the ground.With one hand on the head, I left for home. I don't remember whether I told the others or not. They must have had a hard time trying to find a missing person. Next thing I remember is getting up from the bed. I don't remember what happened ,but I guess I was feeling a little lost and blank. I could not recollect when I had gone to play or what I had done before I went to play. And as a result I uttered the most foolish and filmy words one could possibly hear at that instant, 'aai majhi yaad daash geli aahe'. A complete mix of Hindi and Marathi it translates to 'Mom, I have amnesia'.Oh God....My mother and sister could not stop laughing. I was actually angry...Shouldn't they be worried for me...How can they just laugh....Any ways, I slowly remembered the activities preceding to the accident. The plausible explanation that I gave to myself was that sometimes we just perform the daily activities so mechanically that we don't remember actually doing them.
These small accidents still seem to amuse me, except for possibly the hand getting jammed in the door.I don't know why, but somehow it really disturbs me.With small kids or toddlers it is more fun to see the response of the adults. They wait for the precious two seconds to see the response of the kid. It's like a standard if- else condition: If the kid looks ok and does not cry? Then ignore. Else repeat the same set of dialogues rehearsed over centuries.
These physical falls are so much easier to deal with. We accept them, laugh with others who laugh at us and move on. But yet we are so afraid to make mistakes that make us fall momentarily. But let it be.... I am not going to end up in metaphors and allegories.Let the trivial topic with which I started remain that way.My head feels okay, though I do keep checking it once in a while. My memory seems fine, as gud or bad as it was before. So if I remember about the blog that I have created, will keep blogging.

I like this

2009-08-25T05:03:00.000-07:00

Almost a year since I posted a blog. The reason for not writing so long.... Don't know.Reason for writing again...Don't know...But who cares...But its gud that at least the gap is not more than a year (technically).

Well...as usual I don't have something reeeeeeeally big to write about. Just the things that amuse me. The latest one here is : what I like and don't like. Oh don't worry, the blog is not about 25 things I love and 25 things that I hate...Nobody cares...Even I don't(But I have sometimes enjoyed reading them about others). But the question of my likes and dislikes actually came into my mind, when someone recently suggested me a movie and said, "I know you will like it.You generally like such kind of movies." Though it didn't strike me at that time, but this statement baffled me completely later. Are my likes and dislikes so clear cut or well defined?

It's very hard for me to explain it here. And I have already canceled the two lines through which I thought I was trying to explain. So let me try again. Specially, in case of movies, I feel I can try. I used to think that I like the movies where the story seems to be leading somewhere. The reason: I must have scoffed at so many movies that I have hated saying that they were not 'happening enough'. And yet on second thoughts some of my favourite movies are the ones in which the story is thin but dialogues are great...or some other reason.

Same is the case with books too...I generally like the books where the language used is not commonplace. And so I was not surprised when I did not like Chetan Bhagat's last book (but the first one that I read). But I was more surprised that I did not 'not like' his second book. The language is ordinary again. The story is quirky.I don't know what I liked about it.

I don't always like what everybody likes. I also don't hate what everybody likes. But what I was trying to find was a pattern. Can I know before hand that I am going to like or enjoy so and so movie, book,etc. But you know,....I am glad to conclude that there isn't any. It was fun to tell my friend later that I actually did not like the suggested movie.

Have so much to write about this. But don't have words. Plus have many other things to do...some that I like, some that I don't :)

p.s: Couldn't think of better title

H2O from the sky

2008-08-31T02:36:00.000-07:00

My smile turned into a frown as I opened the door. All this time when I was in safe confines of four walls, it had decided to take a nap and now when I was ready to go, it had woken up from the slumber. I cried out aloud, " Why does it have to rain?". Even a first standard student can write a one page answer on it. And one such first standard kid was standing rite next to me: my nephew. Thank god he didn't start with that answer. But rather asked me innocently, "Don't u like rain?I just love it."

I just looked at him. His awe at this natural phenomenon clearly reflected in his eyes. Even I had loved rain years ago, just like him....going through the puddles that got created thanks to our poor roads. Yes, I surely had loved rain. So when did I really start to hate it. Was it when I got the scolding for spoiling the school socks and shoes for (of course).....wading through the water. No it was not then. Next time I was careful not do it in front of my watchful parents..... Then it must have been when my not-so waterproof bag got wet, and the notebooks having my writing in Ink for the first time got washed away. Yes, I did feel bad for it. But it was surely not then.....Oh, then it must have been when I missed the school picnic because of falling sick coz of getting wet in rain the previous day. May be it was then......or was it when I got late for my college exams coz of it. I don' know. But I remember cursing it when my new dress got spoiled on my way to office, due to - You know who.

I looked at my nephew again. Surely love it while you can. Coz I know u'll reach my stage when you don't know whether you like it or not. Suddenly I heard my aunt behind me, "What r u cribbing about? You r wearing a jacket and have an umbrella. Why shudn't it rain? Our lakes and reserviors need to fill....Else we wud have water cuts....What about poor farmers...." - The one page answer I talked about had begun.

To be or not to be

2008-08-10T04:19:00.000-07:00

'Genius is always uncertain'.....This was actually a status msg of one my friends.Don't know where he picked that from or was it his own creation.Irony is that I stumbled upon it when I was in two minds about some trivial issue. Doesn' t that happen too often? It isn't something that would have a huge impact on r life or work or actually even the next day or hour itself. But still we spend so much time taking the decision regarding it. But reading that quote suddenly made me feel better. Well.....I have no misconceptions of me being a Genius or converse of the quote being true, but i think what relieved me was just an assurance that its not just me but even the genius who can be uncertain.

Hardly had I sunk into this relief when i realised something else; I was being taken in by just 'some' quote. I don't know who wrote it or what the context of the quote was, and here was I getting carried away by it. May be it was just a passing thought of a frustated person caught in an uncertain situation like me. Or may be it was a defence mechanism of an eternally confused person who unlike me had misconception of being a Genius. So i decided to examine each and every genius I knew mentally. But the problem is I find most of the people so sure of the decisions that they are taking irrespective of the whether they are a genius or not. Well, may be it is just that they seem very sure just like I may to some others. But its only I myself (and now whoever will read this blog) who am aware of the foolish battles going on in the mind every now and then.
I suddenly remembered the issue that I had on hand(the one I mentioned at the start). I realised that I was in a dilemna coz I had a choice. If i hadn't had this choice I wud have been peaceful but probably unhappy. Wasn't it the choice that I had always wanted? I took a decision and relaxed.
May be Genius is just the one who sees lots of options or choices for every situation and hence is uncertain. Now I am actually pondering on whether to post this blog or not. Does it hold ne sense or not?Questions galore....But b4 I can have an argument with myself I see the name of my blog page: 'Be what u want to be."
So here it is....

BLANK

2008-06-20T04:23:00.000-07:00

Am posting after a really long time. Actually I had almost written a blog but finally didn't post it for the reasons I know best. Generally when I start to write I at least have something in my mind, some idea or some thought which I feel strongly about. Something that has been troubling me over days(Reading this you may feel that I have written dozens of entries ; actually the no. is just 4 ; reminds me of those run of the mill English Boy Bands, who bring out a "Best Of" version just after their two albums ;)

But this time there isn't anything in particular. Doesn't that happen sometimes? We talk even when we have nothing to say, or sleep even when we are not sleepy. Same is the case here. I just want a flow of words. Words,which are not there even in my mind. Its like giving a channel to all your thoughts. And seriously my typing speed is proving to be much lesser. Even before I type whats there in my mind, a new thought ( as useless as the previous one ) has cropped up. Thats why such a self-deprecatory comparison with Boy Bands.
This I define as 'Pure Intuitive Writing'. Many people , specially great authors may have had this. You must have heard of poems written at the 'spur of the moment'. But of course comment on my rendition is best left unsaid.

Now my mind has stopped....Naaah.....Not possible. It never does. Even when it goes blank, it keeps reiterating to itself,"Why have I gone blank? Why do I always go blank?...." You feel it has gone blank coz it is not moving in the direction you want it to go to.

So my mind has also not really gone blank.....I just have more important things to do

*****************************************************************************
Generally the title comes to me while writing the first line itself, but this time as I didn't know where the blog was going , I didn't know what to name it. There are just so many irrelevant and probably incoherent things in this blog, so I want to keep it nameless. But of course I will have to check whether Blogspot allows me that....I hope it does....Or else I think I will name it as I wanted it to be....."BLANK"

Mystic Magic

2008-04-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am a big Harry Potter fan. But don't worry this blog is not about him. I guess too much of the real and virtual space has already been devoted(or wasted) on him for me to add nething more to it. Well...the inspiration for this blog comes from the recent news about the actor Mohanlal venturing into the world of magic. But this blog is not about him either. That news actually transported me back to the first magic show that I ever saw but which I don't remember, at least , not that vividly. But right through the junior school we used to have one puppet show and one magic show to look forward to every year.
As far as I can I remember , initially the Magic Show just filled us with awe and amazement . But slowly as we grew older it was more to do with: "I know how u did it"; at least for most of my classmates. But not for me.....simply because "I didn't know how they did it".This is one big confession I would like to make here:"I seriously couldn't understand how the Magic tricks were performed." It used to happen with me so often. Here we were, watching some silly trick ,of the ball coming out of nowhere,etc; I used to wonder how he did it. But then I would hear others saying loudly:"You call this magic?....It was clearly visible that he brought out the ball from under his cloak". When? Where? How come I missed it? And so the story continued at every magic show.
I am sure people like me are ne magician's delight. A person so easily fooled by even the same old trick of cards and coins. But one day I realised something even more profound:"People who say they know how the trick was performed just think they know how it was done." Once at such magic show some trick was performed. I don't remember what the trick was about. But I remember that just after the trick got over I heard the same old muttering around me and saw the bored faces and I knew that I was again the only person fooled. Then surprisingly the magician asked everyone whether ne one knew the secret behind that trick. All hands went up (i knew i was bad; but this bad?). He asked for a few opinions. People starting yelling from all directions. First of all the opinions were all different. That relieved me a little bit. At least there was ambiguity. He listened to them patiently and removed everything that people said he had used to perform the trick. Then he performed the trick again with the same old results. There was silence. I asked my friends for the explanation as if I was on the Magician's side. There was a looooooooooooooong pause before ne one spoke. After some time there were explanations again showing the same defiance but not the same confidence.
Not much has changed since then. I was able to catch up with a magic show last year and I realised that age hadn't wisened me up in this regard.People say magic exploits the limitations of brain using Science and dexterity of hands.Be it Taj Mahal disappearing in front of our eyes or a person staying without food in a caged box for months and coming out alive. It is just an illusion. But lets not get into the "MATRIX" mode. I will save that for some other blog or on the second thoughts, may be not....Too much has been written about it too.

Train of thoughts

2008-03-21T03:20:00.000-07:00

She looked out of the glass window trying to see where they were. But the glass window was more keen on reflecting what was inside than performing its primary duty of transparency. So she pressed her face against the window, curled the palms around her face to focus on what was outside.....
It wasn't nething spectacular....Just small hills and trees , farms and villages, as it had been throughout the journey. But now that they were far off from the city even the small villages were becoming rare and this one where the train had stopped also seemed very small. It was probably not even a village. Just a few huts around a farm. In the dark she couldn't make out whether there was a farm or just fallow land. But about 400-500 m away she saw a few huts. She could barely make them out because of the light lit in those houses. Was it an electric bulb or lantern , she thought. How can people stay like this in isolation? What do they do for living? Do the kids go to school? Where do they get water from? Just one look at that small group of huts and this and many more questions raced through her mind.
Then a small jerk and train had started again. She turned her attention inwards and found people getting ready to sleep and some already probably in their dream world. She looked at the watch. Her cellphone showed the time: 20:00. Most people just sleep away their time while travelling, isn't it?

"Ma....the train left", boy said a little disappointedly and then sat down. There was a long silence and then he spoke again,"Ma...would somebody have seen me?"......"I waved to them....last week an Engine Driver waved to Bhima, he told me."
"Eat now......" Came the reply from the other end. Looking at his sad face, she said " We are quite far away and its dark....Otherwise I am sure the Driver would have waved to you too..... but they must have seen the light in our house." Boy spoke as if after thinking hard, "I am going to become an engine driver one day."

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That was an abstract piece that came to mind.Nothing travels faster than our own thoughts and I don't know how my Train of Thoughts stopped at this.
Whenever I travel long distance by train I am always taken aback by the vastness of the world. In our day to day life we are so absorbed in one kind of world that we feel as if nothing exists beyond it. When I see small villages that we come across while travelling, sometimes I can't even relate myself to them. I can't imagine myself in their place. I wonder what kind of dreams they have. Do they have different ambitions? And if yes.....do they get fulfilled.I just hope they do...

What's the Use.....

2008-01-31T09:27:00.001-08:00

I have come across the above phrase so many times in the recent past that I simply felt compelled to write about it. You will come across it when u try to do something not directly connected with your work life or something that is not going to yield anything important in return in the near future.
So u hear it:"Why solve Sudoku?" "Why learn a new language?" "Why draw a Rangoli?Is there a festival?" and ofcourse "Why write a blog?"
Well....here I am talking about some activity in which some finite efforts are involved and not some passive activity like Watching Movie or a Cricket match. Its not just true for some heavy duty task but even for something as simple as going for a walk. Tell someone that you are going for a walk .....immediate response wud be " Why?What for?".People will immediately assume that u have started walking for reducing weight.......But tell someone you are watching a movie .....Response wud be " Which Movie?" No further questions.
Same is true with reading books.....It has become so fashionable to read Non-Fiction books(Specially self help books) that people seem to think that the one reading Fiction has too much time on hand....
People generally say:"Why are u putting so much efforts into it?What's the use".....
Does everything have to have a motive....One of the times when somebody asked me this Question, I gave it a serious thought and finally came up with answer that satisfied me:
"Just for the fun of it".....Do it because it makes u feel happy....Isn't it a strong enough reason to do it......And who decides whether it is not important or not...You never know what thing that you learn becomes useful for you at what point in time....
I don't know how clearly I have put my thoughts but I just wanted to ask these Questions to myself....So I thought why not ask them aloud...There are still many thoughts related to it that I want to write but I think I will keep it for my next blog.....This one has already become too long.....
So hope to continue blogging " Just for fun".....

So what if i can't write well......

2008-01-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

There are somethings that you are good at and you enjoy doing;there are others that you are good at but do not enjoy and lastly there are some that you enjoy but are not good at. For me writing belongs to the last category. By writing , i mean stories , poems,etc....Since school days i had harbored this dream that one day i will write a novel(and that it will turn out to be a bestseller,win a prize,etc,etc,etc)....I still vaguely remember the first story that I had written when i was 6 or 7. Only thing i vividly remember about it is that I had killed one of the characters by making her come under a bicycle(coz i found a Truck or bus to be too violent).Poems i left as soon as i began when i realised writing poems was much more than making them rhyme(To say that I was bad at it would be an Understatement). Even later I used to come up with an idea which I used to think was great. After continuing on that thought for some time(max i have written is 5 pages), I used to see the loop holes in it and find everything extremely childish. In short i was bad at creativity.
Then while reading Ruskin Bond stories I realised that you need not have such a great story line with twists and turns .A simple story with empahasis on detailed description also made for an interesting reading. I remember his story called " The Cherry Tree" which just chronicled the growth of a cherry tree from a seed to the fruit bearing stage. But the beauty of the story lay in
the comparison of the growth of the tree and that of the boy who planted it and his relationship with his Grandpa. So i thought of trying out his style of writing. But i am sure that you have guessed by now that I could not accomplish that too.
I had almost given up on Writing when I saw the emergence of Blogs. Suddenly everybody had there own blogs and were writing on any thing and everything under the Sun . After resisting for a long time to become one of them, i joined the gang.
So what if I can't write well........... I can blog