Beginning of the end

You know you are at the year end when you see "Best of" and 'Worst of" lists everywhere, right from television to newspapers...Fortunately or unfortunately, the business world still respects the financial year and schools/colleges have their academic years to stick to.
Infected by the "year ending" buzz, I too decided to post my last blog for this year...The last blog for which 2010 will appear against it...I know it's still not 31st, but knowing my average frequency of posting, I am sure this will be it for this year. Anything special to write about? Not really...When has it ever been... :)
For a change it's winters in Mumbai and I am simply loving it...I read about people suffering from Winter Blues. It supposed to be a scientifically recognized phenomenon that people suffer from as the days get shorter. Seriously, is this true, I wonder...
Besides the "Best of" and "Worst Of" Lists, there is one more type of list in the air...sacred resolution list...It is so scared that even the maker of this list forbids himself/herself from touching it. So best of Luck for creating yours.
Hope I keep blogging next year too (Not a resolution thankfully) ...See you next year

Cling Cling and dum dum

I have never missed having a camera feature in my phone...But I really did.... that day.
I was leaving from the office at 3.30. My eyes were still getting used to the bright sunshine after the prolonged rains of 3 to 4 months. My mind was still worrying about the work that I had left half way and planning for the next day had already begun. The joy of leaving early from office was definitely lost. I started walking, with my head down, as much due to the work blues as due to attentiveness that you have to have on the Mumbai roads to spot the puddles and open manholes.
And suddenly somewhere beyond the song that was blaring into my ears through the radio earphones, I heard a drum beat. Then another one and then one more. I looked up and for the first time actually acknowledged the reason why I was leaving early. Trying to locate the source of the drums I started looking beyond my line of sight.
I increased my pace, and even my steps automatically synced with the drum beat. I knew where it was coming from. There were buses and cars and of course sea of people blocking my view. And then I caught the glimpse of the Elephant God, towering above all of these own creations of his. My ears started catching the jingle of the bells and manjira. As I crossed the signal, picture became clearer and colorful. The colorful nine yard sarees followed by the turbaned men and little children clad in white kurtas. Men walked with the beats banging the bamboo sticks they had in hand. Children did the traditional "Lezhim". While ladies with manjira joined the chorus of slogans requesting the Lord to stay longer.
Moving at slow pace along with the deity on wheels, it was not long before I caught up with them. The tar road was hidden in the red colored dust and as I bowed my head before the beloved God of this city I became one of them. The radio was lost in the noise that I did not consider noise any more. Walking past the procession, and observing it I was lost in the moment. I wished I had walked slower, coz the procession had ended and the beats were lost. Bollywood number from the radio had overcome the drums again.
But with a slight smile on my face, office and sun was just a memory.

Creepy crawlies

Long long time since I posted. And yes, truly this time I was busy and it wasn't the usual boredom that causes the big gap between my posts.
I literally had so many topics buzzing in my head that I wanted to write about. Some frivolous and some serious. And yet again, I prefer frivolous over serious.
I am sure you must have already guessed wht I am writing about. I thought it was more of a colloqial word and wouldn't find place in dictionary. No, it does. As a noun it is defined as 'a spider, worm, or other small, flightless creature, esp. when considered unpleasant or frightening'. The creature I was gonna write about does not exactly fit this definition.It is not that small, specially when it grows up or when you are watching it from close quarters (avoid this). But yes, they are definitely unpleasant and hence frightening, at least to me. Nope, I am not talking about snakes. They are frightening hence unpleasant. The other way round relationship is more true for ------ Lizards. Not everyone may have had an encounter with snake, but lizards... I am sure everyone has waged a war with them at least once.

But even though I claim to hate them, I can't help but be fascinated by them. You know how with any animal or insect, there is a default gender that you associate. For e.g: Dog is always 'He', Cat is always 'She', Sparrow is always 'She' and Crow is always 'He'. Quite subjective, but thats how I speak of them. For me lizard was always a 'She'. Reason was that I had learnt a poem on 'Her' as a child. I remember just the first few lines -

Lalita lizard sitting on the wall,
how is it that you never ever fall,
Upside down you hang on the ceiling ,
I often wonder what you must be feeling.

An amusing poem and truly my thoughts too. But everytime I came face to face to one such Lalita or any of her cousins, amusement was the last thing on my mind. Lizard hunting was out of my purview. Whenever others in my house were engaged in any such battle, I would be standing on the top of a bed or chair in the other room, imagining every moving ray of light to be the lizard being hunted. Of course this imagination was never in mute mode and my shrieks though disturbing added the perfect background score to the battle. But that was way back in the past. As everybody staying alone has to fight their darkest fears and inner demons, I had to as well.
My first battle with lizard (in which I returned victorious) could might as well as be the topic for another post. (Don't worry I won't write that, I know you are already bored with this one).Though the fear has reduced fascination has not. I thought I was the only one fascinated by them. But no, there is an entire country that worships it and considers them lucky. Of course they are not ordinary house lizards but colorful ones, native only to that country. It is probably the only place where I saw a lizard print on clothes. I was completely in awe of it, but finally some common sense prevailed and I didn't buy that. But common sense did not sustain for long and now I have a wooden lizard on my refrigerator door :)

And I post again

It's been a really long time since I posted something. And it's not as if I was too busy or out of topics...sheer boredom. And yet that urge to write has emerged again. The reason being that I have enjoyed reading lots of posts recently. Irony is that it was again boredom that drove me towards it.
I haven't had a chance to catch up a good book in a long time. I think the last book that enjoyed a lot was Motorcycle diaries. After that there have been attempts to find such a book, sometimes fiction...that I did finish but didn't enjoy, some non-fiction that I was enjoying but couldn't finish as they grew a little heavy on me. Whatever the reason but basically I was missing quality reading. And though most people wouldn't associate blogs with serious writing neither do I claim that they are a must for a literature student but somehow I have always enjoyed them.
And so I decided to revisit the blogs of my friends that I generally enjoy reading. Unfortunately I haven't yet added the list of blogs that I follow so that I get automatic updates whenever a new post is added. And I was truly disappointed to see no updates too. And first thing that struck me was ,"Must be very busy." And there in this list of the blogs that my friend followed, featured my blog , very low on the list though. And there on the list, were some really interesting blog titles. And soon I was lost in the maze of blogs of friends of friends. For a second I did wonder whether it was alright to read blogs of complete strangers. I know what I blog are my personal thoughts that I don't mind sharing. But could I be so sure about others. But as I started reading them, these concerns slowly started disappearing. Some due to open acknowldgement or request of bloggers that encouraged friends of friends to read their posts. And some, because I could associate with the other bloggers so well and the things that they had written about. I had never thought there were so many people out there who had similar idiosyncracies as mine or who made confessions about their day to day follies on their blogs and of course those who had to taken up blogging coz they wanted to become a writer some day (like me :)
And the next thing I knew was that I had reached out for creating a new post. As I finish writing what I have in mind, I feel the regret of not having posted for so long. I feel so good pouring out these thoughts even though they may not mean much to anybody. So a small message to all the people who haven't blogged in a long time: Do post, u r missing something that u don't know u r missing.
I still don't know whether it is okay to read blogs of friends of friends. Hope your friends don't mind.

Far or not so far away

It's been more than six months since I went out of Bangalore....okay that's not entirely true. Well, you can say away from the urban surroundings. Yes, it has been that long. Sometimes it was voluntary or self imposed while sometimes it was circumstantial. Whatever the reason, I have been stuck in the urban village with no respite for quite a long time.

And today suddenly that urge to escape became even stronger. No one present in this city would disagree, that it was a perfect weather to run away to the nearest hill or lake on the outskirts of the city. I wished I could become a backpacker and walk along the river flowing by the side of the muddy road. That feeling stayed throughout the day. And then while returning in the cab, with the window half open, I closed my eyes. It was drizzling now. With music in my ears (literally) I could hear nothing else. Not a sound on the street of Bangalore.
With cool breeze hitting my face, I felt I could be anywhere. I could be in the vast lush green field or on the top of the mountain. I smelt the rain and felt more happy.

Then suddenly, a loud honking sound overpowered the music and shook me up and I opened my eyes. I closed my eyes again, increased the volume of music player, but my efforts were futile. I looked outside. The magic was lost.

The feeling has subsided but is still there waiting and longing to be fulfilled. Stay on, don't disappear or I will remain trapped here. Till the longing is there, there is the will to get it fulfilled. And I know it will.

When'll you realize............

The sharp turn that the bus took had just woken him up partially and cool wind splashing against his face was coaxing him to open his eyes and look at the beautiful surroundings. Slowly he sensed the changes that had undergone in his immediate environment. His legs that had been relaxed suddenly seemed cramped for space. His arms could no longer move freely. With slight irritation he looked around himself. The empty bus that he had boarded was quite full now.A huge bag was placed next to his legs. He looked around questioningly to find its owner. "It's mine", said the young guy seated next to him. The guy seemed to be from city and didn't really seem to belong to the bus. Just as he was making these observations he realised that the young guy wasn't really alone and that he had probably just interrupted an important conversation that he was having. The youth started again, "You won't understand it,Chhotu. I don't like the work anymore. It has become mundane and does not offer me any more challenges.I have to find something more challenging." He gave a sharp look at the youth seated opposite to him. The conversation between the boys slowly faded into the background and what he could hear was a similar echo in his own ears: voice of his past.

Some thirty years back he had similar vigour and fire. Ever since he remembered he wanted to join the army. Many from his village had sacrificed their lives for the country. They were his heroes and he dreamed that one one day he would be a hero too...
His body failed his dreams. He couldn't clear the physical exams to which he was subjected. He tried every other possible area where he could be a hero: Police, fire brigade, but somehow he could never join them. Finally he joined a security agency and started working as a security guard. Initially the charm of the gun given to him made him feel important. But all these years he never had to use a gun. For some years he was posted at a bank. He dreamed of the days, when some bank robbery would be attempted and he would be the one to foil it. But nothing like this happened. But as he aged, he was shifted to a housing society. Now he didn't even have a gun. The area was quite peaceful. He did the daily chores like switching the building lights, water pump,etc. He maintained a register for any outsider.But this wasn't his idea of being heroic. With all these thoughts running through his head,he didn't realise that the bus had reached the bus stand. The two boys had already got down. He picked up his luggage and slowly walked to the building where he was working. When he was home, he had almost started missing this building and the people living here. But now that he was back he just did not have the same enthusiasm any more. Just as he placed his luggage and was getting ready to sit on his regular seat he saw the old lady living on the third floor. As she saw him, her face lighted. She rushed to him, as fast as she could. She started speaking excitedly,"You are finally back…good. Your replacement was useless. A salesman reached my doorstep in the afternoon. I was so scared. Now I can be relieved." And her face did really reflect the peace of mind that he had rendered. He smiled at her, but more than that, he smiled at himself; a reassuring smile.

***********************************************************

This story got structured as I was visiting a bank recently and saw an elderly security guard with a rifle in his hand. And I wondered whether he was happy doing what he did. I don't agree with everything I have written above. I don't think one should always be satisfied with what one has, one should always challenge one's potential...blah blah blah, and everything else that is written in millions of self help books available in the market today. But rather I want to stress that many a times in the race to achieve, succeed or challenge, we tend to miss the good and simple things that we do everyday. They may not be mighty or heroic, but it is still creditable that you do them. Rather than explaining what I am trying to say here, I think the lines from this Billy Joel song ('Vienna waits for you') capture my thoughts the best:
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You can't always see when you're right

Fall and Rise

There I was, listening to some most soothing music on my mp3 player when my cab for the office arrived. I bent to climb into it and BAAAAM. My head went numb followed by a sharp (i wouldn't like to exaggerate it by calling it 'excruciating' though) pain. I had just banged my head against the car's ceiling. My cab mates enquired whether I was okay wearing a sheepish grin that seemed to contrast the concern. It is just so natural. I myself have smiled or laughed so many times when someone has fallen (unless of course in case of something serious).
Looking at them I too smiled, wondering if it had looked funny. And somehow throughout the journey I kept pressing my head to check whether it felt okay;whether I was feeling giddy or not. But in that one moment of pain I could almost imagine the numerous other scenes like this of which I have been a part.
Though I don't remember my first steps which of course would have led to the first fall, I do remember the countless other ones.
The funniest one that I remember is the one when I was at my dramatic best though not intentionally. I am sure I have narrated this incident to most of my friends, but I have never written it as such. Well, once upon a time :), we were playing Hide and Seek and while running through the backyards of the houses, I must not have seen the rope used for drying clothes. And BAAAM, all of sudden I was on the ground.With one hand on the head, I left for home. I don't remember whether I told the others or not. They must have had a hard time trying to find a missing person. Next thing I remember is getting up from the bed. I don't remember what happened ,but I guess I was feeling a little lost and blank. I could not recollect when I had gone to play or what I had done before I went to play. And as a result I uttered the most foolish and filmy words one could possibly hear at that instant, 'aai majhi yaad daash geli aahe'. A complete mix of Hindi and Marathi it translates to 'Mom, I have amnesia'.Oh God....My mother and sister could not stop laughing. I was actually angry...Shouldn't they be worried for me...How can they just laugh....Any ways, I slowly remembered the activities preceding to the accident. The plausible explanation that I gave to myself was that sometimes we just perform the daily activities so mechanically that we don't remember actually doing them.
These small accidents still seem to amuse me, except for possibly the hand getting jammed in the door.I don't know why, but somehow it really disturbs me.With small kids or toddlers it is more fun to see the response of the adults. They wait for the precious two seconds to see the response of the kid. It's like a standard if- else condition: If the kid looks ok and does not cry? Then ignore. Else repeat the same set of dialogues rehearsed over centuries.
These physical falls are so much easier to deal with. We accept them, laugh with others who laugh at us and move on. But yet we are so afraid to make mistakes that make us fall momentarily. But let it be.... I am not going to end up in metaphors and allegories.Let the trivial topic with which I started remain that way.My head feels okay, though I do keep checking it once in a while. My memory seems fine, as gud or bad as it was before. So if I remember about the blog that I have created, will keep blogging.