The sharp turn that the bus took had just woken him up partially and cool wind splashing against his face was coaxing him to open his eyes and look at the beautiful surroundings. Slowly he sensed the changes that had undergone in his immediate environment. His legs that had been relaxed suddenly seemed cramped for space. His arms could no longer move freely. With slight irritation he looked around himself. The empty bus that he had boarded was quite full now.A huge bag was placed next to his legs. He looked around questioningly to find its owner. "It's mine", said the young guy seated next to him. The guy seemed to be from city and didn't really seem to belong to the bus. Just as he was making these observations he realised that the young guy wasn't really alone and that he had probably just interrupted an important conversation that he was having. The youth started again, "You won't understand it,Chhotu. I don't like the work anymore. It has become mundane and does not offer me any more challenges.I have to find something more challenging." He gave a sharp look at the youth seated opposite to him. The conversation between the boys slowly faded into the background and what he could hear was a similar echo in his own ears: voice of his past.
Some thirty years back he had similar vigour and fire. Ever since he remembered he wanted to join the army. Many from his village had sacrificed their lives for the country. They were his heroes and he dreamed that one one day he would be a hero too...
His body failed his dreams. He couldn't clear the physical exams to which he was subjected. He tried every other possible area where he could be a hero: Police, fire brigade, but somehow he could never join them. Finally he joined a security agency and started working as a security guard. Initially the charm of the gun given to him made him feel important. But all these years he never had to use a gun. For some years he was posted at a bank. He dreamed of the days, when some bank robbery would be attempted and he would be the one to foil it. But nothing like this happened. But as he aged, he was shifted to a housing society. Now he didn't even have a gun. The area was quite peaceful. He did the daily chores like switching the building lights, water pump,etc. He maintained a register for any outsider.But this wasn't his idea of being heroic. With all these thoughts running through his head,he didn't realise that the bus had reached the bus stand. The two boys had already got down. He picked up his luggage and slowly walked to the building where he was working. When he was home, he had almost started missing this building and the people living here. But now that he was back he just did not have the same enthusiasm any more. Just as he placed his luggage and was getting ready to sit on his regular seat he saw the old lady living on the third floor. As she saw him, her face lighted. She rushed to him, as fast as she could. She started speaking excitedly,"You are finally back…good. Your replacement was useless. A salesman reached my doorstep in the afternoon. I was so scared. Now I can be relieved." And her face did really reflect the peace of mind that he had rendered. He smiled at her, but more than that, he smiled at himself; a reassuring smile.
***********************************************************
This story got structured as I was visiting a bank recently and saw an elderly security guard with a rifle in his hand. And I wondered whether he was happy doing what he did. I don't agree with everything I have written above. I don't think one should always be satisfied with what one has, one should always challenge one's potential...blah blah blah, and everything else that is written in millions of self help books available in the market today. But rather I want to stress that many a times in the race to achieve, succeed or challenge, we tend to miss the good and simple things that we do everyday. They may not be mighty or heroic, but it is still creditable that you do them. Rather than explaining what I am trying to say here, I think the lines from this Billy Joel song ('Vienna waits for you') capture my thoughts the best:
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You can't always see when you're right
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Fall and Rise
There I was, listening to some most soothing music on my mp3 player when my cab for the office arrived. I bent to climb into it and BAAAAM. My head went numb followed by a sharp (i wouldn't like to exaggerate it by calling it 'excruciating' though) pain. I had just banged my head against the car's ceiling. My cab mates enquired whether I was okay wearing a sheepish grin that seemed to contrast the concern. It is just so natural. I myself have smiled or laughed so many times when someone has fallen (unless of course in case of something serious).
Looking at them I too smiled, wondering if it had looked funny. And somehow throughout the journey I kept pressing my head to check whether it felt okay;whether I was feeling giddy or not. But in that one moment of pain I could almost imagine the numerous other scenes like this of which I have been a part.
Though I don't remember my first steps which of course would have led to the first fall, I do remember the countless other ones.
The funniest one that I remember is the one when I was at my dramatic best though not intentionally. I am sure I have narrated this incident to most of my friends, but I have never written it as such. Well, once upon a time :), we were playing Hide and Seek and while running through the backyards of the houses, I must not have seen the rope used for drying clothes. And BAAAM, all of sudden I was on the ground.With one hand on the head, I left for home. I don't remember whether I told the others or not. They must have had a hard time trying to find a missing person. Next thing I remember is getting up from the bed. I don't remember what happened ,but I guess I was feeling a little lost and blank. I could not recollect when I had gone to play or what I had done before I went to play. And as a result I uttered the most foolish and filmy words one could possibly hear at that instant, 'aai majhi yaad daash geli aahe'. A complete mix of Hindi and Marathi it translates to 'Mom, I have amnesia'.Oh God....My mother and sister could not stop laughing. I was actually angry...Shouldn't they be worried for me...How can they just laugh....Any ways, I slowly remembered the activities preceding to the accident. The plausible explanation that I gave to myself was that sometimes we just perform the daily activities so mechanically that we don't remember actually doing them.
These small accidents still seem to amuse me, except for possibly the hand getting jammed in the door.I don't know why, but somehow it really disturbs me.With small kids or toddlers it is more fun to see the response of the adults. They wait for the precious two seconds to see the response of the kid. It's like a standard if- else condition: If the kid looks ok and does not cry? Then ignore. Else repeat the same set of dialogues rehearsed over centuries.
These physical falls are so much easier to deal with. We accept them, laugh with others who laugh at us and move on. But yet we are so afraid to make mistakes that make us fall momentarily. But let it be.... I am not going to end up in metaphors and allegories.Let the trivial topic with which I started remain that way.My head feels okay, though I do keep checking it once in a while. My memory seems fine, as gud or bad as it was before. So if I remember about the blog that I have created, will keep blogging.
Looking at them I too smiled, wondering if it had looked funny. And somehow throughout the journey I kept pressing my head to check whether it felt okay;whether I was feeling giddy or not. But in that one moment of pain I could almost imagine the numerous other scenes like this of which I have been a part.
Though I don't remember my first steps which of course would have led to the first fall, I do remember the countless other ones.
The funniest one that I remember is the one when I was at my dramatic best though not intentionally. I am sure I have narrated this incident to most of my friends, but I have never written it as such. Well, once upon a time :), we were playing Hide and Seek and while running through the backyards of the houses, I must not have seen the rope used for drying clothes. And BAAAM, all of sudden I was on the ground.With one hand on the head, I left for home. I don't remember whether I told the others or not. They must have had a hard time trying to find a missing person. Next thing I remember is getting up from the bed. I don't remember what happened ,but I guess I was feeling a little lost and blank. I could not recollect when I had gone to play or what I had done before I went to play. And as a result I uttered the most foolish and filmy words one could possibly hear at that instant, 'aai majhi yaad daash geli aahe'. A complete mix of Hindi and Marathi it translates to 'Mom, I have amnesia'.Oh God....My mother and sister could not stop laughing. I was actually angry...Shouldn't they be worried for me...How can they just laugh....Any ways, I slowly remembered the activities preceding to the accident. The plausible explanation that I gave to myself was that sometimes we just perform the daily activities so mechanically that we don't remember actually doing them.
These small accidents still seem to amuse me, except for possibly the hand getting jammed in the door.I don't know why, but somehow it really disturbs me.With small kids or toddlers it is more fun to see the response of the adults. They wait for the precious two seconds to see the response of the kid. It's like a standard if- else condition: If the kid looks ok and does not cry? Then ignore. Else repeat the same set of dialogues rehearsed over centuries.
These physical falls are so much easier to deal with. We accept them, laugh with others who laugh at us and move on. But yet we are so afraid to make mistakes that make us fall momentarily. But let it be.... I am not going to end up in metaphors and allegories.Let the trivial topic with which I started remain that way.My head feels okay, though I do keep checking it once in a while. My memory seems fine, as gud or bad as it was before. So if I remember about the blog that I have created, will keep blogging.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I like this
Almost a year since I posted a blog. The reason for not writing so long.... Don't know.Reason for writing again...Don't know...But who cares...But its gud that at least the gap is not more than a year (technically).
Well...as usual I don't have something reeeeeeeally big to write about. Just the things that amuse me. The latest one here is : what I like and don't like. Oh don't worry, the blog is not about 25 things I love and 25 things that I hate...Nobody cares...Even I don't(But I have sometimes enjoyed reading them about others). But the question of my likes and dislikes actually came into my mind, when someone recently suggested me a movie and said, "I know you will like it.You generally like such kind of movies." Though it didn't strike me at that time, but this statement baffled me completely later. Are my likes and dislikes so clear cut or well defined?
It's very hard for me to explain it here. And I have already canceled the two lines through which I thought I was trying to explain. So let me try again. Specially, in case of movies, I feel I can try. I used to think that I like the movies where the story seems to be leading somewhere. The reason: I must have scoffed at so many movies that I have hated saying that they were not 'happening enough'. And yet on second thoughts some of my favourite movies are the ones in which the story is thin but dialogues are great...or some other reason.
Same is the case with books too...I generally like the books where the language used is not commonplace. And so I was not surprised when I did not like Chetan Bhagat's last book (but the first one that I read). But I was more surprised that I did not 'not like' his second book. The language is ordinary again. The story is quirky.I don't know what I liked about it.
I don't always like what everybody likes. I also don't hate what everybody likes. But what I was trying to find was a pattern. Can I know before hand that I am going to like or enjoy so and so movie, book,etc. But you know,....I am glad to conclude that there isn't any. It was fun to tell my friend later that I actually did not like the suggested movie.
Have so much to write about this. But don't have words. Plus have many other things to do...some that I like, some that I don't :)
p.s: Couldn't think of better title
Well...as usual I don't have something reeeeeeeally big to write about. Just the things that amuse me. The latest one here is : what I like and don't like. Oh don't worry, the blog is not about 25 things I love and 25 things that I hate...Nobody cares...Even I don't(But I have sometimes enjoyed reading them about others). But the question of my likes and dislikes actually came into my mind, when someone recently suggested me a movie and said, "I know you will like it.You generally like such kind of movies." Though it didn't strike me at that time, but this statement baffled me completely later. Are my likes and dislikes so clear cut or well defined?
It's very hard for me to explain it here. And I have already canceled the two lines through which I thought I was trying to explain. So let me try again. Specially, in case of movies, I feel I can try. I used to think that I like the movies where the story seems to be leading somewhere. The reason: I must have scoffed at so many movies that I have hated saying that they were not 'happening enough'. And yet on second thoughts some of my favourite movies are the ones in which the story is thin but dialogues are great...or some other reason.
Same is the case with books too...I generally like the books where the language used is not commonplace. And so I was not surprised when I did not like Chetan Bhagat's last book (but the first one that I read). But I was more surprised that I did not 'not like' his second book. The language is ordinary again. The story is quirky.I don't know what I liked about it.
I don't always like what everybody likes. I also don't hate what everybody likes. But what I was trying to find was a pattern. Can I know before hand that I am going to like or enjoy so and so movie, book,etc. But you know,....I am glad to conclude that there isn't any. It was fun to tell my friend later that I actually did not like the suggested movie.
Have so much to write about this. But don't have words. Plus have many other things to do...some that I like, some that I don't :)
p.s: Couldn't think of better title
Sunday, August 31, 2008
H2O from the sky
My smile turned into a frown as I opened the door. All this time when I was in safe confines of four walls, it had decided to take a nap and now when I was ready to go, it had woken up from the slumber. I cried out aloud, " Why does it have to rain?". Even a first standard student can write a one page answer on it. And one such first standard kid was standing rite next to me: my nephew. Thank god he didn't start with that answer. But rather asked me innocently, "Don't u like rain?I just love it."
I just looked at him. His awe at this natural phenomenon clearly reflected in his eyes. Even I had loved rain years ago, just like him....going through the puddles that got created thanks to our poor roads. Yes, I surely had loved rain. So when did I really start to hate it. Was it when I got the scolding for spoiling the school socks and shoes for (of course).....wading through the water. No it was not then. Next time I was careful not do it in front of my watchful parents..... Then it must have been when my not-so waterproof bag got wet, and the notebooks having my writing in Ink for the first time got washed away. Yes, I did feel bad for it. But it was surely not then.....Oh, then it must have been when I missed the school picnic because of falling sick coz of getting wet in rain the previous day. May be it was then......or was it when I got late for my college exams coz of it. I don' know. But I remember cursing it when my new dress got spoiled on my way to office, due to - You know who.
I looked at my nephew again. Surely love it while you can. Coz I know u'll reach my stage when you don't know whether you like it or not. Suddenly I heard my aunt behind me, "What r u cribbing about? You r wearing a jacket and have an umbrella. Why shudn't it rain? Our lakes and reserviors need to fill....Else we wud have water cuts....What about poor farmers...." - The one page answer I talked about had begun.
I just looked at him. His awe at this natural phenomenon clearly reflected in his eyes. Even I had loved rain years ago, just like him....going through the puddles that got created thanks to our poor roads. Yes, I surely had loved rain. So when did I really start to hate it. Was it when I got the scolding for spoiling the school socks and shoes for (of course).....wading through the water. No it was not then. Next time I was careful not do it in front of my watchful parents..... Then it must have been when my not-so waterproof bag got wet, and the notebooks having my writing in Ink for the first time got washed away. Yes, I did feel bad for it. But it was surely not then.....Oh, then it must have been when I missed the school picnic because of falling sick coz of getting wet in rain the previous day. May be it was then......or was it when I got late for my college exams coz of it. I don' know. But I remember cursing it when my new dress got spoiled on my way to office, due to - You know who.
I looked at my nephew again. Surely love it while you can. Coz I know u'll reach my stage when you don't know whether you like it or not. Suddenly I heard my aunt behind me, "What r u cribbing about? You r wearing a jacket and have an umbrella. Why shudn't it rain? Our lakes and reserviors need to fill....Else we wud have water cuts....What about poor farmers...." - The one page answer I talked about had begun.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
To be or not to be
'Genius is always uncertain'.....This was actually a status msg of one my friends.Don't know where he picked that from or was it his own creation.Irony is that I stumbled upon it when I was in two minds about some trivial issue. Doesn' t that happen too often? It isn't something that would have a huge impact on r life or work or actually even the next day or hour itself. But still we spend so much time taking the decision regarding it. But reading that quote suddenly made me feel better. Well.....I have no misconceptions of me being a Genius or converse of the quote being true, but i think what relieved me was just an assurance that its not just me but even the genius who can be uncertain.
Hardly had I sunk into this relief when i realised something else; I was being taken in by just 'some' quote. I don't know who wrote it or what the context of the quote was, and here was I getting carried away by it. May be it was just a passing thought of a frustated person caught in an uncertain situation like me. Or may be it was a defence mechanism of an eternally confused person who unlike me had misconception of being a Genius. So i decided to examine each and every genius I knew mentally. But the problem is I find most of the people so sure of the decisions that they are taking irrespective of the whether they are a genius or not. Well, may be it is just that they seem very sure just like I may to some others. But its only I myself (and now whoever will read this blog) who am aware of the foolish battles going on in the mind every now and then.
I suddenly remembered the issue that I had on hand(the one I mentioned at the start). I realised that I was in a dilemna coz I had a choice. If i hadn't had this choice I wud have been peaceful but probably unhappy. Wasn't it the choice that I had always wanted? I took a decision and relaxed.
May be Genius is just the one who sees lots of options or choices for every situation and hence is uncertain. Now I am actually pondering on whether to post this blog or not. Does it hold ne sense or not?Questions galore....But b4 I can have an argument with myself I see the name of my blog page: 'Be what u want to be."
So here it is....
Hardly had I sunk into this relief when i realised something else; I was being taken in by just 'some' quote. I don't know who wrote it or what the context of the quote was, and here was I getting carried away by it. May be it was just a passing thought of a frustated person caught in an uncertain situation like me. Or may be it was a defence mechanism of an eternally confused person who unlike me had misconception of being a Genius. So i decided to examine each and every genius I knew mentally. But the problem is I find most of the people so sure of the decisions that they are taking irrespective of the whether they are a genius or not. Well, may be it is just that they seem very sure just like I may to some others. But its only I myself (and now whoever will read this blog) who am aware of the foolish battles going on in the mind every now and then.
I suddenly remembered the issue that I had on hand(the one I mentioned at the start). I realised that I was in a dilemna coz I had a choice. If i hadn't had this choice I wud have been peaceful but probably unhappy. Wasn't it the choice that I had always wanted? I took a decision and relaxed.
May be Genius is just the one who sees lots of options or choices for every situation and hence is uncertain. Now I am actually pondering on whether to post this blog or not. Does it hold ne sense or not?Questions galore....But b4 I can have an argument with myself I see the name of my blog page: 'Be what u want to be."
So here it is....
Friday, June 20, 2008
BLANK
Am posting after a really long time. Actually I had almost written a blog but finally didn't post it for the reasons I know best. Generally when I start to write I at least have something in my mind, some idea or some thought which I feel strongly about. Something that has been troubling me over days(Reading this you may feel that I have written dozens of entries ; actually the no. is just 4 ; reminds me of those run of the mill English Boy Bands, who bring out a "Best Of" version just after their two albums ;)
But this time there isn't anything in particular. Doesn't that happen sometimes? We talk even when we have nothing to say, or sleep even when we are not sleepy. Same is the case here. I just want a flow of words. Words,which are not there even in my mind. Its like giving a channel to all your thoughts. And seriously my typing speed is proving to be much lesser. Even before I type whats there in my mind, a new thought ( as useless as the previous one ) has cropped up. Thats why such a self-deprecatory comparison with Boy Bands.
This I define as 'Pure Intuitive Writing'. Many people , specially great authors may have had this. You must have heard of poems written at the 'spur of the moment'. But of course comment on my rendition is best left unsaid.
Now my mind has stopped....Naaah.....Not possible. It never does. Even when it goes blank, it keeps reiterating to itself,"Why have I gone blank? Why do I always go blank?...." You feel it has gone blank coz it is not moving in the direction you want it to go to.
So my mind has also not really gone blank.....I just have more important things to do
*****************************************************************************
Generally the title comes to me while writing the first line itself, but this time as I didn't know where the blog was going , I didn't know what to name it. There are just so many irrelevant and probably incoherent things in this blog, so I want to keep it nameless. But of course I will have to check whether Blogspot allows me that....I hope it does....Or else I think I will name it as I wanted it to be....."BLANK"
But this time there isn't anything in particular. Doesn't that happen sometimes? We talk even when we have nothing to say, or sleep even when we are not sleepy. Same is the case here. I just want a flow of words. Words,which are not there even in my mind. Its like giving a channel to all your thoughts. And seriously my typing speed is proving to be much lesser. Even before I type whats there in my mind, a new thought ( as useless as the previous one ) has cropped up. Thats why such a self-deprecatory comparison with Boy Bands.
This I define as 'Pure Intuitive Writing'. Many people , specially great authors may have had this. You must have heard of poems written at the 'spur of the moment'. But of course comment on my rendition is best left unsaid.
Now my mind has stopped....Naaah.....Not possible. It never does. Even when it goes blank, it keeps reiterating to itself,"Why have I gone blank? Why do I always go blank?...." You feel it has gone blank coz it is not moving in the direction you want it to go to.
So my mind has also not really gone blank.....I just have more important things to do
*****************************************************************************
Generally the title comes to me while writing the first line itself, but this time as I didn't know where the blog was going , I didn't know what to name it. There are just so many irrelevant and probably incoherent things in this blog, so I want to keep it nameless. But of course I will have to check whether Blogspot allows me that....I hope it does....Or else I think I will name it as I wanted it to be....."BLANK"
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Mystic Magic
I am a big Harry Potter fan. But don't worry this blog is not about him. I guess too much of the real and virtual space has already been devoted(or wasted) on him for me to add nething more to it. Well...the inspiration for this blog comes from the recent news about the actor Mohanlal venturing into the world of magic. But this blog is not about him either. That news actually transported me back to the first magic show that I ever saw but which I don't remember, at least , not that vividly. But right through the junior school we used to have one puppet show and one magic show to look forward to every year.
As far as I can I remember , initially the Magic Show just filled us with awe and amazement . But slowly as we grew older it was more to do with: "I know how u did it"; at least for most of my classmates. But not for me.....simply because "I didn't know how they did it".This is one big confession I would like to make here:"I seriously couldn't understand how the Magic tricks were performed." It used to happen with me so often. Here we were, watching some silly trick ,of the ball coming out of nowhere,etc; I used to wonder how he did it. But then I would hear others saying loudly:"You call this magic?....It was clearly visible that he brought out the ball from under his cloak". When? Where? How come I missed it? And so the story continued at every magic show.
I am sure people like me are ne magician's delight. A person so easily fooled by even the same old trick of cards and coins. But one day I realised something even more profound:"People who say they know how the trick was performed just think they know how it was done." Once at such magic show some trick was performed. I don't remember what the trick was about. But I remember that just after the trick got over I heard the same old muttering around me and saw the bored faces and I knew that I was again the only person fooled. Then surprisingly the magician asked everyone whether ne one knew the secret behind that trick. All hands went up (i knew i was bad; but this bad?). He asked for a few opinions. People starting yelling from all directions. First of all the opinions were all different. That relieved me a little bit. At least there was ambiguity. He listened to them patiently and removed everything that people said he had used to perform the trick. Then he performed the trick again with the same old results. There was silence. I asked my friends for the explanation as if I was on the Magician's side. There was a looooooooooooooong pause before ne one spoke. After some time there were explanations again showing the same defiance but not the same confidence.
Not much has changed since then. I was able to catch up with a magic show last year and I realised that age hadn't wisened me up in this regard.People say magic exploits the limitations of brain using Science and dexterity of hands.Be it Taj Mahal disappearing in front of our eyes or a person staying without food in a caged box for months and coming out alive. It is just an illusion. But lets not get into the "MATRIX" mode. I will save that for some other blog or on the second thoughts, may be not....Too much has been written about it too.
As far as I can I remember , initially the Magic Show just filled us with awe and amazement . But slowly as we grew older it was more to do with: "I know how u did it"; at least for most of my classmates. But not for me.....simply because "I didn't know how they did it".This is one big confession I would like to make here:"I seriously couldn't understand how the Magic tricks were performed." It used to happen with me so often. Here we were, watching some silly trick ,of the ball coming out of nowhere,etc; I used to wonder how he did it. But then I would hear others saying loudly:"You call this magic?....It was clearly visible that he brought out the ball from under his cloak". When? Where? How come I missed it? And so the story continued at every magic show.
I am sure people like me are ne magician's delight. A person so easily fooled by even the same old trick of cards and coins. But one day I realised something even more profound:"People who say they know how the trick was performed just think they know how it was done." Once at such magic show some trick was performed. I don't remember what the trick was about. But I remember that just after the trick got over I heard the same old muttering around me and saw the bored faces and I knew that I was again the only person fooled. Then surprisingly the magician asked everyone whether ne one knew the secret behind that trick. All hands went up (i knew i was bad; but this bad?). He asked for a few opinions. People starting yelling from all directions. First of all the opinions were all different. That relieved me a little bit. At least there was ambiguity. He listened to them patiently and removed everything that people said he had used to perform the trick. Then he performed the trick again with the same old results. There was silence. I asked my friends for the explanation as if I was on the Magician's side. There was a looooooooooooooong pause before ne one spoke. After some time there were explanations again showing the same defiance but not the same confidence.
Not much has changed since then. I was able to catch up with a magic show last year and I realised that age hadn't wisened me up in this regard.People say magic exploits the limitations of brain using Science and dexterity of hands.Be it Taj Mahal disappearing in front of our eyes or a person staying without food in a caged box for months and coming out alive. It is just an illusion. But lets not get into the "MATRIX" mode. I will save that for some other blog or on the second thoughts, may be not....Too much has been written about it too.
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